FINDING YOUR INNER SENSEI

On a cold December night in 2003, I had a baby. I was just 17 years old.

Labor had started like play and my young body struggled for over 18 hours before she arrived. What I remember about that particular day was that I did not cry. I yelled my head off but I did not cry.

I saved the tears for my future. I was sure there would be plenty in it.

Looking back now, I don't know how my parents coped but now that I have a little idea how rough it must have been on them to discover that their 16+ teenage daughter, a baby herself, was going to have a baby.

How do you handle it as a parent when your friends say, 'Get rid of that rubbish'? How do you not react when your brother says, 'Shebi she's your jewel'?

I don't know how they held their heads up and they told me there was no abortion in the cards and I was going to pack my butt back to school and continue my university education.

I did not have it easy either. I resumed for 300 level with a noticeable bulge. The news spread like wildfire.

Before this, I was probably the youngest on campus. 300 level at 17? I was definitely the youngest in my department.

Everyone soon learned about my 'fallen' status. Predictably, the comments were cruel and they hurt because they were mostly untrue. I hadn't been promiscuous. Not at all.

But the thing is, who would I have told that it was a one-night-stand that tripped me up?

Who would've listened? Who would've understood? Who would've empathized?

Pretty soon, other things happened and people soon forgot my gist. I did not. I could not. I knew my journey had taken a major detour and I braced up for it.

In the 9th month of my pregnancy, 1st Semester exams rolled in. I was pretty heavy but I buried my head in my book as if my life depended on it.

Often that month, I trudged to and from course-mates' houses to study and teach tutorial classes for some courses. It was hard but it had to be done.

The night before my last day on campus that semester, sleep eluded me. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't find a comfortable position to settle in. My feet were swollen, my baby chose that night to practice football, I had heartburn and I was exhausted but I knew I had to get to my books somehow because I had a paper the next day.

Sometime in the night, I burst into tears and cried like I'd never cried before the whole thing began.

It was probably paternal instinct that alerted him because the next thing I knew, my dad arrived to take me home the next day. I had just one more paper the next week and the plan was I'd come that day to write it.

We were wrong. Eniola was born that day. I knew TEE 312 was definitely going to be carried but I expected goods results for the exams I did write.

My results were not good. They were great! I never passed as much I'd passed my exams before or after that very semester.

The reason isn't hard to figure out.

When you have reached the limit, when you know that you're at the very end of your rope, where else is left to go? When your back's against the wall, what else is left to do but to fight like hell to win?

I was crushed. My future looked bleak at best. I was alone. I was drained. I had screwed up. I was messed up physically, emotionally and mentally but I reached down to my very core and found my inner warrior.

I pushed back. HARD. I found my inner sensei.

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I said all that to say:

So what if your life is messed up right now? You're not alone. Don't let the devil tell you it's the end of the world. It really isn't. Push back. Fight. You will win.

So what if you've made mistakes upon mistakes and your future seems bleak at best? I've been there. I can tell you for sure that the sun will rise tomorrow. That new day is your chance to make things right. Fight. You will win.

So what if your marriage/relationship is over? You're alive. You're not without hope. The sun will shine tomorrow. A new day will come. That's your fresh start. Grab it and run with it. You will be fine.

So what if you've just been fired?

So what if you're broke now?

So what if your business has collapsed?

So what if your life is not perfect right now?

So what if your well-ordered life has fallen apart?

SO WHAT?

Have you lived tomorrow and know for a fact that you can't make it anymore?

Whatever you're facing right now, it is not the end of the world.

Do not let the devil whisper in your ears that you're not strong enough to withstand the storm.

You are the storm.

You are a warrior.

You are not without hope.

It cannot be over without your consent.

Verily, verily I say unto you, if only you will fight, you will win.

Find your inner sensei.

Fight.

You will win.

Yours in victory,
Mosun Olukoga
Script Writer & Teacher.