BE FRIENDLY BUT CHOOSE YOUR FRIENDS

In life, we will always need people. God did not create us to be in isolation. I guess that explains why Eve came into existence after the creation of Adam.
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As social being, we have an innate desire to connect with people, to experience dynamic relationship with one another. This need is as fundamental as our need for food and water.
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So, my friend, drop that claim that you don't need anybody in life because you do. There is a symbiotic relationship between you and the society in which you live.
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You know what? Solitary can be a terrible thing for human. Hence, everybody needs someone. Truth is, friendship adds to the fullness of life.
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Hence, if you desire to become successful in life you will need people. No greater achievement was ever done by a single individual. You need people to be able to fulfill your vision.
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However...
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You need to be careful of the kind of people you associate with. You see, the law of association states that you become like those with whom you spend time. In other words, people you spend time with have the potentials to influence you to go in their direction.
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"Me? Na lie o. Nobody fit influence me, lailai". My friend, there are two elements wired into influence which probably you're not aware of. Influence is powerful and subtle.
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This is why we often don't realize that we are being influenced until perhaps it is too late. These same strategies are employed by the enemy to devour it  prey.
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Now, do you know that what is called "environment" in regards to social relation is actually people? You and I know that environment determines our mind-set, and our mind-set determines our future. If you understand this paradigm, you won't mingle with just any kind of persons.
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I had a friend during my university days. One day, we were discussing about our future and I told her about my plan to enrol for a master degree immediately after NYSC.
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Understand that my purpose of getting a master degree was not to show off; it was part of my penned down goals towards the actualization of my vision.
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"What do you want to do with a master degree?" she said sarcastically. To say I was shocked by such verbalization would be an understatement. She went on to rant on the futility of a woman acquiring "too much education". As a Nigerian, am sure you understand the angle of her discourse. I was compelled to create an invisible gap between us. Please, don't give me that stare! I can't cope with such mentality. Vision determines your circle of influence.
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After my NYSC, yours faithfully went for her master degree as planned. Nothing derails me from my documented goals except the thing I have not set my heart to do.
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Few years later, we met and she was amazed to hear that I had completed the program. Of course I know that everybody cannot go in the same direction. We all have our individual paths to tread. But the question is: why try to pull me in your direction?
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There are other kind of friends who would want you to automatically upgrade your status by living above your means.
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"Ronke, this Gucci bag will look nice on you". I check the bag and price tag says €350. I quickly do a mental calculation and the naira equivalent is alarming! For bag! Baby, are you crazy? My friend, vision disciplines your spending habit.
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The worse kind of people to mingle with are the pessimist. Haa! Such people don't see possibilities in any life endeavors. A pessimist is never hopeful. And he is very good at analysing life situations.
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Share your plans with him, next thing, he punches holes in every direction of the mental image of your desired future. Gerrit? To buttress his pessimistic view, he comes up with factual evidences within the boundary of society just to negate your dreams. Fact is: economy is gloomy but truth is: you were created to dominate your world.
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By the time he is done with the analysis of why your dream is a mirage, a seed of doubt would have been sown in your heart. And once you don't feel strong conviction about your vision, you are defeated even before the real experience of failure hits you.
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My friend, if you really want to fulfill destiny, there are toxic relationships you need to cut off or at least create an invisible gap between you and such folks. You also need to be selective when it comes to choosing friends.
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Don't get emotional about this! You either influence people or they influence you. No neutral ground. I bet you wouldn't want anyone to throw you off course.
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Now, don't be confrontational about it. Haba! "Wisdom is profitable to direct". There is a way you ease out of people's lives quietly and subtly, just as you eased into them.
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Iron sharpens iron. Don't engage in fruitless exercise of trying to sharpen your "iron" with a plywood. You may end up being so blunt to the point that you become insignificant. That shouldn't happen to you. You've  got so much potentials.
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Don't spend too much time than necessary with people who aren't going anywhere in life; don't spend time with people who are comfortable in their misery.
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Ronke Amos
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| teacher | writer | editor | motivational speaker | educational consultant |